tithing – Letters to Will

Dear Will:

Over the course of my lifetime, I have been accused of many things, but I can unequivocally affirm that not once have I been accused of being a wiz with finances. That I have made it through this many years of life and still remain solvent is a mystery unlikely to be solved by dozens of forensic accountants working round the clock for years on end. And yet the fact remains: In spite of a long history of dubious choices over the course of many years, I have somehow, some way, managed to reach my 64^th year debt-free. In December we even paid off our house.

That was no small feat considering that when we bought the place we had no clear understanding of how mortgages work. We refinanced this house a number of times, sometimes withdrawing some equity to pay off other things along the way, before fully realizing that we were dialing our 30-year mortgage back to the beginning each time—and meanwhile, what we owed was growing, not shrinking. (Seems obvious enough, but, well, see paragraph one.) Once we made the shocking discovery that we were kind of moving backwards, we were forced to convert to a 15-year loan in order to get ourselves more or less back on track. We were perhaps the only kids in the neighborhood who more than once managed to secure a lower interest rate and still end up with a higher monthly payment. Dumb.

My latest genius move came a couple of years ago when we installed solar panels on top of a 35-year-old roof. Any B-average fifth-grader could have anticipated the problem with that choice, but since I didn’t have one handy to advise me, I went on ahead with the plan. The panels have worked out great, but the atmospheric rivers of 2024 have revealed that our original-equipment roof is finally kaput. Which of course will require that the panels be removed ($) and then reinstalled ($) on top of an all-new rooftop ($$$$). Really dumb.

How is it, then, that my manifest incompetence notwithstanding, I own a reasonably nice home in a very nice neighborhood in Southern California? That I’m bumbling toward retirement with a decent balance in my 401(k) plan and some additional investments besides? How is that even possible? I was born with a tailwind, of course. Heritage and opportunity (and whole lot of dumb luck) have been major contributors, but there are a couple of other factors that I must acknowledge as well:

1) Dana and I have gotten some assistance from our parents from time to time along the way. They have helped bridge some tough circumstances in our early years (unemployment: not recommended, FYI) and in later years have bolstered our savings as well. We are quick to acknowledge that not everyone has that kind of generous, loving backup system.

2) We have always—even in the down times—faithfully paid tithes and offerings, gratefully giving while embracing with faith the promises laid out by both Isaiah and Malachi. Those promises do not give us any assurance of wealth, prosperity—or even solvency—but we have always believed that if we willingly give back, sharing whatever bounty we may have, everything is going to work out in the end.

In the most recent General Conference for our church, Elder Gerrit W. Gong gave an address that captures what I’m feeling even as I await the roofer’s estimate. He shared a Chinese story about a man whose son finds a beautiful horse:

“How fortunate,” the neighbors say. “We’ll see,” says the man.

Then the son falls off the horse and is permanently injured. “How unfortunate,” the neighbors say. “We’ll see,” says the man.

A conscripting army comes but doesn’t take the injured son. “How fortunate,” the neighbors say. “We’ll see,” says the man.

Elder Gong then gave this important reminder: “This fickle world often feels tempest tossed, uncertain, sometimes fortunate, and—too often—unfortunate. Yet, in this world of tribulation, ‘we know that all things work together for good to them that love God’ (Romans 8:28).”

Our race is not yet run. Dana and I could live another 30 years, and who knows what potholes and pitfalls may await us in the road ahead? Will our savings be enough to get us from here to there? We shall see. But we have already been blessed far beyond our merits. And we live with the ongoing assurance that, come what may, all things will work together for our good.

Our leaky roof notwithstanding.

_{Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash}

Dear Will:

As you may have heard, Gordon B. Hinckley, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, died last week. He was 97. His funeral was on Saturday

I got a phone call a couple of Sundays ago from my mother who was calling to share the news of his passing. When I got off the phone, I told my wife and son Seth what I had just learned. Now Seth, who is almost nine, has always been a tender-hearted soul, one who feels deeply the suffering of others (including, or perhaps especially, all types of animals). Upon learning of President Hinckley’s death, Seth began to sob. We held him close, of course, and asked him to tell us what he thought of our dear prophet. Through his tears, Seth said simply: “He was a really nice man.”

As you might guess, Seth has never met Gordon B. Hinckley, but such was the power of this aged man that even a child such as Seth could feel the warmth of his love and sense the true Christian spirit which he possessed. The thing that I always admired about him was that he was so good and making people feel good even as he was admonishing them to try harder, stand taller, do more, be better. He was not the sort to shame you into changing your ways. Rather he made you want to be better than you are.

As it turns out, I was privileged to hear one of his last sermons. On Sunday, January 13, just two weeks before his death, he spoke via satellite to all Church members throughout Southern California. I sat with my family as he counseled us regarding our relationships with one another. He identified four cornerstones which should secure the foundation of each family:

1. Mutual Respect
He reminded couples to respect one another’s differences, which are not necessarily undesirable. Those differences make our companionships more interesting. He pointed out that we would all be better off if we expressed an “anxious concern” for one another. He encouraged us to look for virtues rather than faults. He said: “Love sees more, but chooses to see less.”

2. The Soft Answer
We are told in Proverbs that “a soft answer turneth away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1). President Hinckley reminded us that when we talk to one another quietly we are speaking the language of God. God spoke to Elijah in “a still, small voice” (1 Kings 19:12) We should follow that example.

3. Financial Honesty
The Prophet reported that money causes more trouble in marriage than all other causes combined. He encouraged us all to pay an honest tithe so that God might open up the windows of heaven. Couples, he said, should provide one another freedom and independence on most day-to-day expenses but come to an agreement before making any large expenditures.

4. Family Prayer
When we pray together, President Hinckley told us, we will have peace in our hearts and joy in our lives. Family prayer in particular will strengthen our love for each other while providing our children with a greater sense of security.

After that meeting concluded, Dana and I typed those four cornerstones onto a piece of paper and gathered our kids to discuss their importance. We have a long way to go before we can pretend to live true to President Hinckley’s good counsel, but we’re now trying harder than before. As I said, he was always the sort of person that had a way to make you want to be a better person.

We will miss him.

Letters to Will

Tag: tithing

In Over Our Heads

We Will Miss Him